stefunny sandchez

Hello I'm Stephanie and this is my blog.
Sunday, August 30, 2009,10:56 PM
Obsession.

Okay okay okay, I admit.. I am pretty lame for doing this. But I just neeeeed to talk about it ! So since June, I've been Youtubing up "debut cotillions". Only because, before, I secretly didn't know what they were all about. Yeah, I've got the whole "dancing part" down. But I just wanted to take a peek on Youtube, on how they really are and stuff. Sadly, I caught a few crappy ones. With the all, "fancy pancy", oldish, no-tune music. That's something my mother wants. But, I want something more, "modern", "our generation", kinda thing. Something like this. [curtousy of TnMChoreography =D]:

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDkdILyvwa0 (Watch in HD)

I found this girl, Abby's cotillion waltz, and I am SERIOUSLY in LOVE with it. It's something I wanna do.. or copy ;).. LOL, but whatevs, it's not like anyone else is gonna post up my cotillion dance on Youtube. I've shown this to a couple of my friends, and yeah. Here are two others that I find really amusing.. and one swing. LOL : D

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt0ub81Ekxo

3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdjNXtbrcEM < This one's pretty interesting.

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUsKJvp_2wE

I wish I lived in the Bay Area... =(

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7:14 PM
Waiting on your call.

Phone calls. I hate them. They're either good calls or bad ones. Recently, I've been trying my best to stay away from my cellphone. I just leave it in my room for a few good hours, then come back to see what calls or texts I missed. But either way, I can't stand having to call people back, unless its urgent or texting people back and forth. Ohmygod, it's SO annoying. But I hate to contradict myself for saying that I should keep my cellphone by me at all times.. Especially when some calls may be extra important.

Today.. or tonight, I was suppose to sleepover at my Ate Noemi's house, then Monday we were suppose to go downtown together. But sadly, I'm stupid for leaving my cellphone in my room... Receiving 9 missed calls and 3 text messages. Fmlllll ! I also had 2 unanswered ones from my home phone.. Omg, I should really stand near the phone sometimes.. But stupid sister practically takes them around a journey in our house. Or other people, I don't know. It's pretty gay if you ask me. *sigh* I wanna go downtown. Someone call me up. I need to get out !

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Saturday, August 29, 2009,1:11 AM
"Can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, world series type-a feeling."

It's 1:13AM, and I cannot sleep.. I'm hungry though, but it's not good to eat at this time of night.. I wish we can see the stars at night in Mississauga, unless there's a special place where we can see them.. World series ? ...

Blaah, notice all the gibberish I'm talking. Me trying to find a gay excuse just to write another late-night blog entry. My fucking sister is upstairs stomping the floors, no reason or clue whatsoever; and with little common courtesy especially since my parents are sound asleep upstairs. Mhmm...

I hate Square One. Fuck Square One. That mall is bare nonesense. Been there plenty of times this summer because my friends and I really have nothing to do. Everytime, I'm really the only one going, "Again ? Fuck that mall. I hate Square One." I do. I reallllly do. Plus the fact that here I am, walking moneyless ? Yeah. I'm the brokest bitch of the bunch. Fml.

I miss Sammmmmy Villanuevaaaa, she needs to return homee from her daily vacations and back to my lifffffffffe :(

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Friday, August 28, 2009,9:17 AM
Scratching bingo cards with dollars. :)

It seems like today is going to be a good day. Especially with the fact that I woke up early.. and the fact that I didn't sleep in, and NOT woke up at 12.. for once. I'm actually in a very good mood at the momentooo. Listening to Destiny's Child, I do not know why. :) So, guess what ?! I fionallaaaay walked on the McGlaughlin bridge with my girls !! :] I loved it ! It was kind of scary when you get to the middle, but beyond it all, I think it was awwwesome ! :D ! I wanna do that again, except when the sun is setting. I wanna see what that's like. (y) Ohkay, I'm gonna go now, I think I'll change my layout too.. Maybe.


But everyone look at this ! It's called Precious. It's a movie based on a book called "Push". Tyler Perry and Oprah produce it. And it looks realllllly good. Andrew Feliciano (About mentioning his full name all the time.. I know 2 Andrews, so peoples won't get them mixed up.. LOLOLOL) told me about it, and Mathuri showed me it. Now I really wanna see it. It looks really good. It's definetly on one of my must-sees this year :). So, can you say Oscar nods ? Apparantly, there are. Oh shit, Mariah Carey's in this one too.. and you barely recognize her. LOL, go watch ! :) Please ?

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009,9:39 PM
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know which one your gon get.."

So Facebook's not working.. and I decided to go blog. I'm having possibilities of changing my layout as well.. But maybe not yet. I didn't really do much today. I went to Mathuri's house, and walked her to work since I had nothing better to do. I ended up leaving her halfway, and just went to that park beside St. FX church. But I said "Screw this", and left because I sadly couldn't reach the swing seats =(. From that failed moment of time, I just walked around the area because I needed it. I like walking now :). I've decided to walk around more, less bus rides, or etc. I'm still waiting on that "walking on the 66 bridge" with my friends.. who happen to be the laziest people of life. :\. Maybe by the end of the summer ? Anyways, I really think I'm getting fat. I need to start doing something about it. This summer made me do it, I swear. I really need to get off my ass and do something.. My mom wants to take me to yoga, and I think I'll consider.. but maybe walking is a good start before fall comes right ? Ugh. I hate my body. Currently at the moment, I am watching one of my favourite movies, Forrest Gump. It never gets old. Even though, the movie itself.. is old. Sure. Well, it's the part where Forrest runs into that football feild, and etc. :) Soooo, I guess I'll be going back to my movie now. Bye :)

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009,5:59 PM
Wouldn't it be nice ?

Background song: Lifehouse - Broken

Out of the blue, I don't understand why I just broke down into tears. I don't know why, but then again, there's definetly a legitimate reason to why. I miss so many things from my past, that aren't even possible to bring back. Can someone tell me, is it even possible to go back in time ? Was it ever possible in another lifetime or even in another world ? Maybe. But I highly doubt it. A week ago, I saw the Time Traveler's Wife with Andrew Felciano; and I'd say it was rather alright. The ending kind of ruined it for me. But anywho, I loved the whole concept of the movie. A man trapped with a time traveling disorder that gets to time travel into his past or future. Seeing almost every major event in his life, and all the amazing things in the world. Wouldn't that be awesome ? It's something I wish I'd have, not just so I can time travel, but mostly to get away.. and see what's so amazing from my past or my future. I wish there were disorders such as that. But then again, I think it'd be too much of a dramatic dispute. Sometimes I wish I can just go back in time, and re-write a few things about my past.

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4:09 PM
Had to.

An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful.

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1:53 PM
I love my friends.

K, I'm gonna make this entry a quick one. So, yesterday I went with Alyssa and Trina to get their ears pierced.. since they were both on depression mode, I thought, "What the heck, let's go !" I was suppose to record it, but Alyssa's camera died last minute. LOL. But since I'm lazy to write down all that had happen, all I'll say was that it was fun. I honestly love my friends. :)Today I'm going downtown with Andrew Feliciano and Alex Da Silva. I'm tired though, but whatevvvvs, at least I'm doing something today... after that, I'm gonna have a little bonfire at my house with Andrea, Mathuri and Monica :D. Soooo yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh, summers been getting a teensy bit better for me. :)



So my iPod headphones are broken. My other computer where all my iTunes songs are is broken. Now, I need a new iPod in the upcoming future, and a new set of headphones. But I really want Beats by Drake headphones. No seriously, I do. Apparantly they're really good. Ariel told me about them, and I looked it up, and I was like, "Oh shit..." Only problem is they're kinda huge, and kind of expensive... So now.. I think might save up for those badboys.. Unless, I get them for Christmas...... lmao ! Btw, it's the Paradiso Girls ! They're apparantly like the new Spice Girls or something. There's this one Filipino girl there that looks kinda black.. See if you can spot her. LOL. This song was caught in my head a couple days ago, thought I'd share it with you guys. :) Yes, once again - another Youtube video.. LOL.

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Sunday, August 23, 2009,9:53 PM
David Sides is a genius.

Btw, I'm sorry to be bombarding my blog with gazillions of Youtube videos..


After watching some of his piano videos today, I've suddenly decided I want to get back into playing the piano again. But this time, I don't want to do recital pieces, I want to play songs that I want to learn, and know. Besides, I think it's easier for me because then I'll start using the piano in my living room more often. My mom said it's okay, as long as I'm determined to do it and not slack. I doubt that'll happen because I really need to occupy myself with my out of school activities. : )



This whole weekend, I stayed home and made a day just for me. Saturday afternoon, I watched Finding Nemo. In the past, I use to hate it because of all the hype it got when it first came out.. but yesterday, I was like, "Hm I wonder what's so great about it." .. and so, I watched it. Well, I've seen it before but I didn't seem to like it that much. After Finding Nemo, I was actually like, "Aw, it's actually really sad." .. Then, I got super bored and just curled my hair for fun. I also watched another movie, Bring It On. I forgot I even owned that film.. Then, it was kind of late, and I three-wayed with Monica and Mathuri. : ) Sunday, which is today, I woke up early because we were going to church. I havn't been to church all summer long, which is sad. We just havn't had the time, :/. But we'll be going more often now. So, I feel sick, nausiated and headachy. I've been in bed all day, my arms hurt, my back hurts, my neck hurts. I found out the result of all that pain was because of the way I sleep at night. I should really stop laying my head on two pillows. No wonder.... I've been skipping breakfast everyday too.. which is really unhealthy. I need morning food in my system :( Okay, I think that's all. Bye.

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Friday, August 21, 2009,5:22 PM
Today and tonight. / Has anyone ever thought that maybe, maaaybe... 4th times the charm right ?

So right now, I'm in a very very sad mood. If you probably havn't guessed it by now, but I took my g1 test today for the 2nd/3rd time.. and the results were practically the SAME. 15/20 again. =( I honestly studied this time.. but maybe I didn't study enough. Demerit points part, most likely.. While I was waiting, I texted a few people about what I should know and stuff, but I mostly texted Vincent, since his g1 advice seemed more acurate, (no offense to the others) and he told me to remember demerit points. I was like, "Oh fuck, that never crossed my mind.." So I did some last minute cramming. On the other hand, what really bothered me was the g1, g2, and g drinking blood levels; supposedly g1 / g2 are 0, and g is 0.08. But when I asked people, I got SO many different answers like; "No, g1 is 0.08, and g2 is 0.05 because they expect less from you.."; "G2 and g1 are both 0.08" "G1 alcohol blood level is 0.05, and g2 is 0.08"; "Both g1 is 0.03, g2 is 0.05, and g is 0.08" Are you fucking with me ?? Because of that crap, it got me SO confused. I don't even know what to believe anymore.. Cause last week, when I took my first g1 test.. I got the question of what the g1 alcohol blood level should be, and it clearly did NOT have a "0". The options were, 0.03, 0.05, 0.1 and 0.08. So, what IS the right answer ? Can somebody please tell me ? I am kind of desperate. After that long crucial wait, I got in, and I was somewhat shaking, I don't know if it was because it was cold in the room - or because I was back in that room for the second time... same with the third time. So, that's my weird story that didn't seem to explain much. But now, I don't wanna bother talking about it again because I am very sad. I came home after all of that, and ran to my bed and just slept. Something I havn't done in SO long. I usually do that when I'm really really sad. Sooooo, Andrew's birthday thingy is today. I need it :(. But I'm gonna have fun, I guarantee it. Alyssa fucking Guarin, if you are reading this right now... CALL ME, BECAUSE YOU ARE MOST DEFINETLY COMING !

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009,3:22 PM
On another note...

I've watched this video almost a gazillion times, and I love it ! I just HAD to post it up. Enjoy ! : D



Ohh, and here's another one.. :) Come back to Toronto Gabe Bondoc !!

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1:42 PM
1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more, 5, 6, 7, 8 ...

Ohhhhhkay, I'm back on another entry. I miss blogging. I've been too preoccupied to write down stuff anymore.. But NO, that will not happen no longer. I will keep continuing to do this, because I love blogging. I don't do this for exposure, I only do this so I have something interesting to look back on, something like a diary :).

Yesterday I spent 4 hours waiting for Andrea to come over.. (originally she was suppose to be by my house at 12, but nooooooo >:\) But then around, I think 3-4 ? She came, and we headed out the door to "Mavis Mall" because I was seriously craving some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream :). It was kind of hot outside, but nice because the breeze was around. Then again, when we walked there, we somehow hit some random sunny spots :/ ..and that is why I brought a portible fan ! (basically those cheap ones from the dollar store) It was so sad, on my behalf, because it kept breaking down all the way there.. Pieces started to fall off; and Andrea kept laughing at me.. SO I had to remove the outside parts and just kept the propellers blowing on us. It hit my chin when I put it too close to my face. Ouch. Andrea was still laughing at me. THAAAAANKS :( ! We decided to drop by Monica's house because she was suppose to meet us there, but we just went and got her instead. When we arrived there, she had a bunchfull of these lollipops in her hand, "Which flavours do you like ?", I asked for Raspberry.. but she only had Strawberry, so might as well. Andrea got Watermelon, and I'm like "Wtf ?" .. Turns out the Lollipops Monica gave us were these huge motherfuckers. It started to hurt our tongues :S. Never ever again.... Anywayssssssss, we walked there, and we kind of walked around the plaza until we got to Baskin Robbins. : ) Me being broke as always, I only had $5.. So I got the kiddy scoop. Joela calls and she meets us there. I havn't seen that bitch in a looooong ass time, but it was nice of her to come :]. The girls were craving Mickey D's, so we went there, ate there, then went back to my casa. Personally, I think I should start walking to places now. Screw bussing. Total waste of money. SO, got home; Monica had to leave. So it was just left to me, Andrea and Joela. I was craving an omelette, so Joela makes one. That ended up being a fail, because my pan wasn't a "non stick" one. So we just had the eggs, and vegetables on the side. In the meantime, we just had maaaaaaaajor update talks and realtalks. : ) I studied for my g1, again and went to bed. : ] I was suppose to go again today, but my dad said Friday.. so Friday it is ? ... Okay bye :] ... Wait, wait, wait.. Before I exit, Can I just add on how much I hate mosquitos ? Like, I don't know if it's a new paranoia that I have, but I seriously HATE them. So far this summer, I've gotten one on my back, one above my ass, two on my arms, and one behind my leg. =( I'm sucha pussy I swear. Two nights ago, I was in my bathroom, getting out of the shower. Grabbed my iPod and started to sing "Forever and Always" by Taylor Swift. I was about to pick up my toothbrush, until I heard a quiet buzzing noise.. and saw this huge motherfucker, with big wings and legs jumping up and down on my bathroom wall. So, I grabbed my toothbrush, toothpaste, and raaaan all the way to the basement bathroom. I kept the lights open because I was too scared to close it, without having the mosquito come and bite me.. LOL, I know right ? 8-). I was in the basement, and my sister just stared at me saying, "Ate, what are you doing here ?" and I'm like, "mosquito..." "Ohokay, shut up now, I'm watching One Tree Hill.." 2 hours into the night, I was afraid to go back upstairs to turn off the bathroom lights. I'M SO FUCKING SOFT. Omg. I attended my nephew, Noah's 2nd bday, and odd enough, they kept the doors in the backyard open, and all these mosquitos kept flying in, and I'm like, "FUCK FUCK FUCK !" I was watching GMA, and all I could see were all these little buggers flying in my face. Fucking mosquitos. A week ago, I couldn't even sleep in my room because there was one flying around me. I went downstairs to the living room, and slept there instead... Okay, too late because I earned a bite on my back. FUCKKKKKKKKK !! : ( Stupid mosquitos. I hate you

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Monday, August 17, 2009,12:01 PM
I need a new blog updateeeeeeee !

First off, I think this might be the weirdest, most cute, interesting, but unique wedding entrance I've ever seen ! LOL V



Okay so, I think this summer's a waste. Nothing really exciting has happened, and I'm actually looking forward to school ? Last year and crap. Ughhh ! But I think after summer closes, I'm probably going to miss it just a bit. :\
Well, now.. I'm still mad at the fact that I didn't get my g1........ Yes, I took the test, BUTTTT I didn't pass the fucking rules part :(. I'm so mad !!! Cause I was like, 15/20. ONE RIGHT ANSWER CLOSER TO PASSING ! (Your suppose to have at least 16 to pass) FMLLLLLLLLL ! But signs on the other hand, I got 20/20. (y). Ughh, SO MAD. One of these questions I fucked up, with the right turning/red light crap. : \. I waited 6 hours there just to get it. I was ever-so-patient, and I received nothing in the end. Wow. :\ Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ! I'm going back Wednesday or Friday, and I'm not stopping now. I WILL get my g1, even if it kills me. My goal is to get it before summer ends. MHMMMMM. (y)
So, I was on the phone last night with Jannine Ambrosio. And, I've honestly really, reeeeeeeeeally missed her. I bought this "All About Me" by Phillipp Keel book, (and it's kind of just a Q&A thing, which I love.) and there was this one part where they ask, "Which among all your friends do you miss the most ?" I put Jannine. Because IT'S TRUE. I havn't spoken or seen her in the longest time. Hopefully I'll be seeing her sooner, so yeah. I felt kind of sad when I thought about her cause there was a point where her and I kind of fell apart.. but I don't want to keep that forever an excuse that we CAN'T still be close friends. So, we've phoned the past two days and everythings back on track - just like before :). I'm so happy.
Anoooooother thing, my mom's big birthday thingy is coming up this September. It's exciting for her, but kind of blah-ish for me. She's gone all hyped up for this event. Apparantly a lot of people are going, and I think it's going to be insane. My mom told me last night to put my friends on "hold" because shes not sure how many people are coming... SO GAYYY. But sure.
Two days ago, my Sanchez family just arrived home from a crucial 11 hour flight from Korea to Toronto. They went to the Philippines, and I missed them lots. It's been a whole summer since they left, and no famjams. IT'S BEEN SO LONELY ! LOL, the only people left behind were the Sanchez's with the older group of kids. (Erwin, Noemi, CJ, Nigel, Marianne, Richard, Stacey and I). LOL When they came, Erwin had this idea of having signs that say, "WELCOME TO CANADA" to make them look like immigrants. It was hilarious. But while waiting for them, my stomach started to kill me. Fuck. I think it's only because of me not having breakfast in the morning anymore :\. Okay, anyways, after they arrived, we went to their house and ate and received presents. Now, I kind of wish I went back there toooooooooo.
To end this new blog entry, I just wanna say; I just want to get my g1. I NEEED to. Tell me, who's gonna be the one driving that beautiful red Lexus ? Me right ? Not Stacey ? Yeahhh. YOU TELLLLLLLLL ME. : )

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Saturday, August 8, 2009,7:35 PM
(continued from last post)

"Your biggest mistake, will be your biggest regret."

It's been 2 months, with no contact or speaking terms. I don’t think I ever want to see him or be around his presence ever. How am I doing so far? I'm fine, living my life. He never gets to me unless I think about it. It's never really something sad, or devastating. It's more of an angry, hurt kind of feeling. But right here, right now, I don't want to feel bitter anymore. I need to stop this. That's why I need to get this out my chest.

I'm not anyone special. Nor am I willing to pull myself up to make it look like I'm any better than anyone else. That’s not the case with me. I've never been the kind of girl that's ever let man get to me easily. I'm usually the "hard-to-get", picky type. Not until I met him* (name will not be mentioned in this one). I don't think I've ever pictured anyone to be almost as interesting as him. Before we ever met; I've always had a mini crush on him. It wasn’t those “big deal” kinds of crushes. It was more like, an unsure thing. I just kept it to myself. Besides, I had a boyfriend at the time.. so why did it matter ? And what were the chances anyways ? So, at the end of the day, life goes on. One day, I met his girlfriend at an event. We instantly clicked and became really, really close. We would talk to each other via Facebook a lot. Most of the time, it would be about her boyfriend. Interestingly enough, I wasn’t surprised on how devoted he was to her. Eventually, she introduced us. But after that, my relationship with him was nothing more than an acquaintance thing. I never really talked to him, or anything. I was mostly happy for his girlfriend because they seemed so happy together. A few months later, it was her birthday and I was invited. He was there too, obviously.. and I think I spent almost the whole party with him. After that, a lot of things turned for the negative between him and his girlfriend; and they broke up. Automatically, I was there for her and did my best on being around, and helping her get up back on her feet again. She was there for me a lot, especially since I had my own dilemmas with my ex; basically, we were friends holding it down for each other. When I left Andrew, I felt like I was ready to move on with my life. Any obstacle that came across my way, I wouldn’t let it bring me down because I felt like a “new me”. Little did I know, Mister Whatshisface would come into my life. The last day of exams, Alyssa, Trina and I decided to go eat at his work for lunch. Coincidently enough, he was there working. He approached my friends and I, and we just talked the whole time until we had to leave. All I remember telling Alyssa is this: “Okay, soooo… I don’t know why, or if it’s just me… but I think, I’ve always had a little crush on him !” She looks at me and was like, “Are you serious ?? Wow….. That’s so, so ‘secretive’ of you !” “I know right.. Haha, ! Okay, whatever. Let’s go now.” Throughout the week, me and him would randomly bump into each other. I didn’t know if it was a coincidence, or if fate was calling us.. but I know whatever it was, it was random. Slowly, but surely, I started to develop a crush on him. Eventually, he started to figure it out himself, and we both knew it. We went on a date, and kissed for the first time. Then on, we dealt. We both thought that it would be easy… but it was harder than I thought. My parents arrived home from a monthly vacation in the Philippines, and came back to seeing me in the arms of another guy. That made my dad furious. Another thing added was, how we didn’t know how to tell his ex girlfriend; who also happened to of course, be one of my closest friends. Bottom line was it wasn’t so easy. Eventually we had to face them, and the only thing running through my mind was, “If we can get through this, then maybe we can get through a lot together.” After we went through all that, we were both relieved that we were able to move on with our lives. I was extremely happy. He was almost everything that I wanted in a guy. He didn’t even have to try, literally. I just welcomed him in with open arms. Whenever I think about it, I think it’s only because I had high expectations. I didn’t have a worry in my mind at all. All I knew was that he was a good guy, and he was exactly someone I wanted to be with. We were happy. I was even happier when he introduced me to his family, a couple of his friends, and his life entirely. In my past, I’ve never had a guy do that to me before. I immediately loved his family off. I eventually introduced him to my friends, who automatically approved. From then on, things seemed perfect; and it was almost everything I’ve always wanted. I was his girlfriend, and he was my boyfriend; we were happy, so what could go wrong? I didn’t know that at the time. But apparently a lot of things can. I kept my focus on showing the world that I found someone ten times better than my last boyfriend. Obviously everyone complimented us, and I liked that. So it didn’t really matter to me really if whatever problems would come in our way. There was a point, where I felt neglected from him, and thought he’d be fast to fix it. But he never really did. Just an apology and we just moved on in our relationship. To me at the time, I felt as if there was absolutely nothing wrong between us. But slowly, we were falling out. I don’t even remember a time where he and I ever had a moment where we just let out everything. I never told him anything how I felt as often because I was scared that he’d push me away… which surprisingly ended up being true. We broke up beginning of February, which sucks because Valentines Day was near. I was just plain sad – but not to the point where I’d cry every single night. I was just sad. I still remember calling up his ex, after a long time of no speaking; and how she told me that he was going to eventually hurt me. I didn’t want to believe it, but she was right. A few days later, I spoke to him, and after that – we somehow, managed to keep a good connection with each other. So, I guess… we were okay ? We’d phone almost every single night, and I was glad… but all my emotions inside, were crying out “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ?” I decided to ignore every single one of my complaints, and just went along with the flow. No screw ups were needed when it came to him. He managed to disappointment me at a few stops, but I would just let it go, because I didn’t want to lose him. But inside, I was just upset. Maybe bottling everything up inside, wasn’t such a good idea… because things between me and him, started to run around my mind became a question, “What are we ?; What are you doing ?; What am I doing ?; What do you want ? ;What do I want ?; Where is this going ?; What’s going to happen ?; What the fuck ?….” I just stopped and paused. We were going nowhere. I was nothing to him, but he was something to me; and I simply couldn’t give in anymore. I was wondering what was wrong with us the whole time, when really it was clear as glass. Things began to get even odder, and he started to change. He started to go out a lot more, late night partying, coming home late drunk as ever, etc. I, myself didn’t even know what other shenanigans he’d get himself into. He started to distance himself from me, and that was the only thing I knew. I couldn’t take it in any longer, so I let him go. I thought it’d better me as a person. But instead of trying to give myself a positive start. I just kept myself in the murky shadows, always mad and pissed off at the world. Mostly mad at him. I felt humiliated ten times more than I ever did than in my past. I had a feeling there was another girl on the side, and turns out I was right. It hurts to figure out the truth sometimes. Especially for me; someone once told me that I can’t handle the truth either way, but when I do – I still can’t handle it. LOL. But you know, it’s something I’m trying to change. It’s been 2, almost 3 months since me and him have spoken; but it’s okay because I think it’s for the best. Just a few days ago, I watched the movie, “500 Days of Summer” It’s such an awesome movie. I recommend people to go see it. I love it because I relate so much to the film, and the lesson that was said there. Like the one quote; “Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don’t. I think you should look back, and not just at the good stuff.” That quote made me kind of realize something that night. I have so many moments alone, where I just think, and mostly it’s about me and him. It sucks because, I know what he did wrong to me, and I’m obviously still upset at the fact that it all happened. The only thing that holds me back is all the good times I shared with him. Like, it’s hard to forget. It replays in my mind like a cassette tape. I hate it. Like, I’m just tired of feeling this way. When I know the only thing that can bring peace to my mind, is him apologizing. Which he has done, but he didn’t seem to meant it in that way. I thought about it, and maybe I don’t need a proper, “I’m Sorry” from him; because that’s just really unjust for me, to wait for it. That’s why I think it’s better, if I’m the one who forgives him. You probably won’t be reading this or seeing this right now but, I forgive you. I don’t want to feel bitter or mad or sad anymore just because of one stupid move you did that hurt me. I’ve realized that holding myself back because of you, isn’t going to make things better. You don’t have to apologize to me, or anything – if we ever see each other again, don't be surprised if I'm okay with you. It's only because I’ve accepted that the past is the past. I hope one day, you can forgive me too – for whatever it is that, I’ve done wrong. I don’t remember or know what it is, but I hope one day we could be friends. :) I think its better that way. In the end life goes on, and I don’t want anymore negative vibes surrounding me. I guess I’m done. Everything will come into place. One day, I'll meet someone who'll sweep me off my feet and make me feel like a princess. But let's hope that's not too soon. For now, this is only the beginning. (y)

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009,10:53 AM
I don't want this.

So many blurbs are running through my head right now. I can't even tell if it's a positive or a negative thing. But whenever I think about it, the outcome turns out to be all the stupid men I've been with in the past. All the damn obsticals I had to endure, all the excuses I made, all the times I tried to show them how much I cared, all the pain I felt, all the lies I had to make up etc etc. I could go on forever. But I don't want to be reminded of any of that..

I still remember my last serious long-term relationship, which was about 3 years ago. It sure has been long.. When I first met him, I wasn't that interested whatsoever. I laughed about how hard he tried to get at me, but then again, I was flattered. Eventually I accepted his offer and became his girlfriend.. We didn't talk much. He use to come to visit me after school some days, and it would be majorly awkward. I had many so urges on breaking up with him, but I didn't know how. But then there were those moments when he'd be so sweet and so nice to me. In a few months of time, I left him for another guy, which was pretty random.. I felt kind of bad breaking up with him, but on another note, he seemed okay with it. I always wondered why.. but I never let it get to me. I didn't know why I broke up with him at the time, I guess you can say I was totally bored out and wanted something higher. Sooner or later, that higher ended up becoming lower than I imagined.. And there I was running back to Mister Quiet, and interestingly enough, he took me back. Then on, everything was perfect. Never in my life, have I thought I'd meet someone almost as perfect as him. I was so in love. Better yet, I was really happy. My first year of highschool was a big deal for me. He kind of made the most of it. I was on cloud nine because of him. Everyone saw me as the "little girl in love", and I was falling in love fast. Fast enough that we hit a major speedbump because of jealousy. It wasn't always so easy. I started to lose half my trust in him. I did the "crazy-girlfriend-move" of watching his Facebook too hard, making sure he wasn't talking to any other girls. It was insane. I was insane. He tried hard to give me what I wanted, but I just let my selfishness get ahead of me, and it caused a lot of stress between us. Eventually, everything took it's turn for the worse; I had a plan of making him jealous, and thought maybe it would make him realize how I felt.. but sadly enough, it was a stupid move which ended our relationship. That started the era of my hardships with him. We were still broken up, but he managed to keep a constant connection with me, which obviously made it harder for me to move on. I always had a problem with him, and I would complain about it. For instance, one second, he'd be all over me. Then the next, he'd be with another girl. I fought and argued plenty of times with him; but he'd just shrugg it off like it was nothing. I was so offended, alone and heartbroken. But I continued to endure all of that, because I loved him so much. I never told anyone else and kept a lot of my emotions to myself, which caused me to push all my friends away. Everyone except Alyssa. She was the only one, regardless of my naiveness, that stood by me through everything. After a year of our breakup passes, I finally came to a conclusion about all his stupidity. I didn't want to be the girl always sad, always waiting for him, always wishing for him to realize. I needed to be happy again. I went over to his house and dumped everything he's ever given me. Every stuffed animal, every letter, every jewelry. Everything. The outcome of it all, made me ten times stronger than ever. I felt like I just finished climbing the top of Mount Everest, and no one could stop me; not even him. A few months later, we never spoke. I never wanted to see him or speak to him. There were a few times where he would try to come to my house, and apologize, or at least say his side of the story.. but I wouldn't give a rat's ass about it. It was only because I was so mad at him. I was mad at the fact that he gave me a year to realize that he was a pointless, pathetic, loser that never thought about anyone but himself. I wasn't impressed. I lost all my trust in him; and I had no intensions of becoming his friend, ever. The bitch in me started to come out whenever he'd talk to me. I don't think I ever had anything nice to say. But I didn't care, I was with someone new, and didn't want to involve him in my life anymore. Slowly after me and the new guy fell out of place. I came to another conclusion that I should apologize to him, or at least make peace with him, after a year of silence. We became okay after that.. yet, my bitchyness still reign on. So, nowadays; it's been different. Andrew and I are friends now. The past is the past, and I'm glad we're okay. I have no feelings whatsoever; I've lost all my feelings in the long run, but I really appreciate the fact that he is a good friend to me. I'm surprised to see how much he's matured since then. I still remember the last time I chilled with him, and he told me, "No matter how mean you are to me, I will take it. But I will always be nice to you. Think of it as me making it up to after a year of my mistakes. You are forever my biggest regret." Cheesy. Corny. Whatever you can call it. I gave him a weird look when he told me that. But then again, I'm glad he's trying. I'm trying to.. trying to be a friend to him. It's hard on some days, but whatever. If were okay, then were okay. I'm just blessed to know I've had one good guy in my life.

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Monday, August 3, 2009,3:00 PM
Starstruck.

So today officially marks the day I met Angel Locsin.
Talked to her on MSN, and then she added me on Facebook.
I SWEAR TO GOD !!!! But fuck, I'm so kind of starstruck
right now. It's totally insane. Thanks to Andrew, gosh.

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12:44 PM
Honey honey.

Summer sucks. I hate it. Buzzkills all over the damn place. Just yesterday, late last night, I arrived home from Philly. We ended up not going to my tita's house because it makes us sad thinking about Uncle Jimmy.. Instead, we stayed in Harrisburg. The hotel we stayed in was nice, except the fact that the hallways looked exactly like the ones in Hotel626. It was so creepy. When we got to our hotel room, the floors felt kind of moist. Kinda gross. :/.. Ugh, but I slept okay. The next day was a full on shopping day. I was so mad at my mom because she kept pushing my sister and I to buy a dress for her big birthday shindig happening in September. Fucking dresses in America are kind of expensive. (well maybe the places I went to, but you know). In the end, I was so mad because I didn't buy a dress. But the outcome was good in the end because I found a dress I really liked for my debut. :). We'll be going back there in the next month or two. *sigh*, Overall I was still mad because I didn't get to buy much. My mom said the whole point of this trip was to buy anything I needed so I don't have to bother getting anything back home. Hypocrite move mom. I didn't get shiiiiiiiiiit. Pissed me off to the max. On Sunday we drove all the way back home, with a few minor stops on the way. I was bored outta my mind in the car, doing nothing whatsoever. Richard was watching Ratitoulle on his friggin large ass laptop, and Stacey was sleeping on both of us. Ugh. Honestly, I was so bored that I just watched the clouds in the skies... that eventually turned gray and poured out rain. SO yeeeeeeeah. I'm mad tired right now, and my back hurts. I'm laughing at Alyssa's pictures right now because she finally got braces. LOL, awwwww ! But in the meantime, I think I'll be watching movies like mad today. I'm so bored. Btw, the Mammamia movie is getting to me, I'm starting to like the songs.

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10 previous posts
Wah.Vacation !Saturday & Sunday.Pacific Malllll.A year and 2 months later.....Last but not least.Lame, but who the fuck cares.Happily Never After.Things to do before the end of 09' (Another list !)All I want for Christmas is..
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