S.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009,5:18 PM

Oh shit, I remember this.

Ohmygosh, I wish I had a boyfriend like this : D

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say
"Could be better." This will keep her on her toes,
and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as
a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze
hers really hard until she cries ( This will impress
her by showing her what a strong man you are ).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock
her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she`s
sleeping. If she is, say, "You better be." Repeat this
4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her
that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for
her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some
improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the
most. Then when she`s sleeping, steal all her small things
and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.

7. If you`re talking to another girl, make sure she`s
looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words
"Fuck you" and grab the other girl`s ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you`re taking her out to dinner. Drive for
mile so she thinks it`s going to be really special.
Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to
get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you`re
really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home.
When she starts crying and asks why you would do something
like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear
"... Because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "Some chick." Women
love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she`s cold... And not by giving her
our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look
her in the eye and say "If you don`t stop complaining about
the cold right now, you`re going to be complaining about a
black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she`ll have
to go to the bathroom ( They always do ). Leave immediately.
Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her
the whole way home for ditching you all night.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a
small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...
Why shouldn`t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she`s fast asleep,
wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat
until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important
things ( Like basketball ).

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will
only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her
into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you`re in her house, steal one of her shoes,
earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one
of the pair. This way, she`ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she`s about to order,
interrupt and say "No, she`s not hungry." Make her watch you
eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face.
Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your
smell on it ( But not a sexy cologne smell... A bad smell.
You know what i`m talking about ).

21. When it`s raining, keep asking her if she`s crying.
She`ll say "No, it`s just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn
to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you`re listening to music, and she asks to hear it,
tell her no. This way she`ll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday, but don`t get her anything.
Teach her that material objects arent important. The only
thing that`s important is that she keeps you happy, and your
happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas
or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it.
Then, next time you know she`s coming over on a trash day,
leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking
out of the can.

26. If she`s mad at you for not calling her when you say you
will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time
of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone.
Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special
surprise. Now she`ll be really excited, then don`t call.

Labels: assholes