S.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009,5:42 PM

Oh heeey Evanna : ) !

Today after school Evanna came to visit. :]
I'm soo happy that she's FINALLY coming back to FX.
It's been getting gayer since grade 11 year and with
Evanna coming just adds a little less stress into it.
Yeeeeeuh so she came over after school, and we always
have these interesting deep conversations. LOL :) Later
Evanna was tempted to play Rock Band with my brother
and his friends, so yeah. Webcams and Youtube shit after.
:) Aw, good times. I've missed her lots.

Oh, another thing I'd like to mention.. I need to get this
off my chest. First and formost, No, I'm not trying to
expose some next "internet beef" here I just want to get this
out there - since I honestly don't have no other way possible
to say or do this.
The past 3 weeks, shit's been drilling my head and I fucking
hate it. I'm not saying that, yes, I take the blame for whatever
happened.. because it takes two people to make shit happen.
But why the fuck would you get so mad over the fact that I don't
listen to your damn advice ? K fuck, if you knew by now, I'm the
kind of person that askes for advice, and keep it in mind - technically,
it's like a little ray of sun for me. Yes, 65% of the time, I may
not really listen or take the advice that is given to me, but shit.
In the end, isn't it suppose to be your decision ? I'm not trying to
be selfish here, but fuck this is me to you. I'm not perfect. When
shit happens, and you know it's a mistake you made, you try your best
to do something and fix it. Me being the way I am, that's something I can't
change. But if it were to change, it would take some time to fix.
It takes a lot for stuff to get into my head, and I thought you knew that.
But if dropping a friend for good and leaving everything fucked up, is
what you want then fine. I'm not apologizing nor will I go up to you
ever and tell you this in person. Not saying that I'm scared, basically
I'm just frustrated and I don't feel there's a need for me to send
out an apology or flowers or "I'm sorry" msgs or whatsoever.
Our friendship is fucked up as it is and it's too dysfunctional.
Sure, I miss you. I'm not gonna lie. We both know that you and I
have had toooo many ups and downs this year. Yet, who would've
known it would've end up like this ? Usually one of us tries to fix
it, but this time there seems to be no one's contributing.
But tell me, what CAN I do to fix this ? Nothing. What are you doing ?
Nothing. Why ? Because, what's there to fix ? What am I suppose to do now ?
What are you suppose to do now ? Fucking nothing. It's like we're in
a boxing ring just staring each other down, without even fighting.
And to add, this dilemma was too stupid to begin with. This was
something that could've been fixed but it's too difficult. Sure, I lost
a really good friend in my life, but whatever, I guess.

And on a positive note, Look what Evanna showed me..
Shannon Matesky - Myspace V

Labels: blaaaaah, evanna, rant