S.

Saturday, September 19, 2009,4:56 PM

A retake of my life. (Also featuring the ones involved in it.) / I can do bad all by myself.

It's weird to think how, "I've been friends with her for like, what ? Six years now.. Am I really going to throw this all away ?" Answer to that question is, what you're gonna see right here.... "But why though ? Sweetheart, I don't get it. I don't understand. 6 YEARS ! That's like history right there." Yes, I understand that, it's very sad. But then again, I also can't scratch outta my mind that I've never liked the way I was treated, appreciated or being looked down on. Tell me. How would you feel if someone so, close to you, per say.. Starts turning their back on you, and gos their way, becoming so close to someone who once had your heart ? How would you feel ? What do you see. Put yourself in my shoes, but in your own situation. Talk to me, when you have an answer.. My own point of view on things, is totally different. I, myself feel really dissapointed. In other words, really really sad. I've never thought that things would end up this way. It's like the saying, "Friends are like seasons. They come and go." Sometimes I wish that saying was never true. But, if that's the best way of putting it, so let it be. In all honesty, I've been very frustrated all summer. Mostly at this certain friend of mine, but not so much the situation. Sure, I understand where you're coming from. Yes, I understand that you love this guy, that he's your bestfriend. Okay, I get it. Just stop reminding me dear, I don't need an alarm clock ringing in my head over and over again. Bottom line is, I get it. I'm totally fine with it. But me, being the kind of person, who HATES and I admit, HATES to be reminded constantly over and over.. Just ticks me off. Please don't. Let's just do our own things for now, you go do the talking, I can do the walking. One way or the other. But I know now that I won't be saying anything about it for a long time. We'll be okay. Another thing, I don't understand why I've got so much energy to do this. A lot of people say I have a lot of guts doing what I did. But hey, it's not always about how brave I am. I just, really don't care anymore. I'm actually at that point of my life, where I feel that it's my last year of highschool. I don't want what's negative. I only want to keep what's already positive. So, if you're negative, sorry, but goodbye. I don't have time for this. Try finding someone or something else to occupy your time, because what you have is definetly not on my schedual. It's just too much. All I want is to graduate highschool with a smile on my face, not a frown when receiving my diploma. No. I definetly don't want that; and I know for sure, we all don't want that. Like geez, put aside the negative just for this time, and just let the positive stay. For instance, I have this one person on me, thinking that I'm mad at her because of something offending she said about a close friend of mine. Yes, I was upset, but not anymore. Then again, I'd like to let her know that I'm not mad. I just, don't have time for you. So goodbye. So, you see what I mean ? Yeah. This whole thing I just said right there, might have possibly looked like I was spazzing just a bit, but I'm not. This is just me, being completely honest. These days, I look up on my older cousins, Noemi and Erwin, and I see so much in them. It's kind of like, almost every single piece of advice they've ever feeded me, was all true. They've been probably been through the exact same situations that I have in their past; worse or maybe not so worse.. But they've still definetly gone through it. I want to be them like them one day. Wise, strong and not giving a shit about stupid things. I'm starting to see myself like that now. Before, I use to be this girl who wanted to please everyone. But now, I just don't see things that way anymore. I've already gained too much of what I need to to give back more to others. I now know that, you can never always get what you want, you can never always please everyone, and you can't really have your cake and eat it too. *sigh* Regardless of how much things can temp you, don't take it if you know it's not good for you. Right now, I am good. I woke up this morning realizing how thankful I am for the certain amount of people in my life. I'm glad that they've stood by me, through good or bad. Mostly good. And I am very blessed to have them. =) Cause even without the negative people in my life, I now know that life goes on.

Labels: self explanitory